Embracing Disappointment

Posted by Carol Small on Saturday, July 11, 2020

Maybe you know what it is like to grow up with an enthusiastic parent, gregarious and interested in you, promising you the moon and then not realizing that adults get busy, they forget they were talking to a very open and trusting child, wide-eyed innocent and full of hope and excitement, they drop the ball, tell the child I am too busy or worse, leave following life’s changes. Totally forgetting promises made. But the child never forgets, but gets their hopes up and begins to wait and wait and wait, developing an empty feeling of being ditched ultimately believing they are not important. This gets stored in the mind and gets reenacted in adult relationships and every time a text message is ignored or someone breaks a date, gets distracted, or maybe even rejects your opinion, that old pain resurfaces. It is not actually personal but the hurt is from the past triggering this imprint, a form of hard wiring and shows up as a pattern of feeling unloveable or unwanted or left out. The insecurity coming from that pain and shows up as very needy and unattractive and then becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy with even more life experiences of being pushed away.

It isn’t the parent’s fault, they are living with their programming as well, but these patterns get passed down generations. Since they feed on the next and the next situation that mirrors the past, but there is a way out of old repetitive patterns. It seems natural to avoid or blame or try harder to matter, but with all the strategies and manipulations or ways to make this pain go away, ironically it can best clear by stopping and acknowledging this pain at the moment is surfaces. It does take courage to face pain but what is the alternative? To carry this from one generation to the other? I would love to help you face and replace this old pain with the magic of Self Awareness. By gently and patiently allowing the experience of the pain of the moment, we gradually learn to make the space for this old pain to dislodge and move through and replace it with Trust creating a life of confident Self-referral and peace. Want some help working with this? Please contact me and we can work on this together.