Loyalty to the Family Dynamic

Posted by Carol Small on Saturday, July 18, 2020

It isn’t easy to break out of the part we play in the family dynamic. It can be buried until we are hit by a devastating blow to a family member. A debilitating disease or loss can bring to the surface patterns we have been challenged by our whole lives but so elusive that until forced by the challenge, we won’t live our own lives free of expectation to fulfill a role.

What is the part you play in your family? The hero, the responsible one, the invisible one, the caretaker? I can give you an example: Maybe your parents were not very present and all the brothers and sisters had to ban together forming a sort of alliance that keeps everyone safe. The parents are so tangled in their own lives that the drama and pain they feel leaves the children to basically fend for themselves. This forms a deep bond between all the siblings and a sense of responsibility for each other. This bond, as wonderful as it is, can keep each person from moving forward with a sense of freedom and individuality, able to fulfill their full potential. It can be challenging to face “I’m holding myself back so I don’t threaten the expectations of the group.” “Will they still love me if I change and move in a different direction?” “Can I be okay if I move away from the protective cocoon of their belief structures?”

The beauty of facing our limitations is that we can then realize that loyalty to old programming can be seen as actually obsolete, no longer relevant. That is the beginning of choice, real choice and the love for each other can actually expand and grow to include more wonderful possibilities.

Once faced, old outdated expectations begin to clear and the freedom to be different is actually an addition to, not the fear-based threat it once seemed. The old appearance is cleared and replaced with freedom to BE, fear of, and loss replaced with trust and open-hearted acceptance of each other’s differences.

If this speaks to you. Then please contact me and we will work together for your freedom.

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