Loyalty to the Family Dynamic

Posted by Carol Small on Wednesday, August 12, 2020

Conflict resolution can be more directly addressed by replacing old destructive behaviors with healthy patterns.

Although we will still use more traditional methods to resolve conflict with active listening skills, being heard is not an obligation that can be expected. It is boarding on holding our loved one’s hostage to make it a requirement to be heard.  Of course, this is desirable and helpful but the responsibility is still mostly on the person wanting to be heard to be with their feelings in a deeply loving way that takes the responsibility off of others to make us feel heard. Communication is much more effective if the inner work is first done individually.

Owning up to our own part first can pave the way for less defensiveness and strongly held positioning. Any time we fight with someone’s “pain body” it will just strengthen their position making a circular argument instead of moving towards a harmonious relationship built on being a spacious presence for each other.