The basic way to clear a pattern is to Face, Accept, and Replace.
You may want to make a list of everything you don’t accept the way it is. All the fires up and down the coast, the pandemic, Climate change, our history of suppression. For just a few clearly unacceptable issues. Or the struggles in relationships and arguing with another’s point of view, even all of us parents falling prey to the illusion that force or control ever works.
Then one by one, write them down and notice the resistance or the heaviness, the mountains of overwhelm. The desperate attempt to hold on to what is not the way we think it should be.
Start with allowing the feeling of whatever is a result of the issue you are facing. If you can’t allow acceptance of the situation, then can you accept the resistance itself? For example, I can not accept the destruction that is a result of all the fires. As you accept your own resistance to what is, you will notice a slight heart-opening. Acceptance in any form begins to relax the body and open the heart. It is like priming the pump, preparing you to begin to relax enough to realize that resisting what IS, is futile and the stress from resistance is more damaging than the situation resisted. But as the body begins to relax with the acceptance of your feelings of anger, or sadness, or even a feeling of disassociating from your own body to get away from feeling at all, you will be able to allow the heart qualities or at least one of them to begin the healing process.
Now that you have accepted your own resistance or feeling you are able to replace it with Trust, openness, love, gratitude, and/or true respect and humility. So for example I say, I accept I can’t accept the devastation from all the fires, and in the moment of a small amount of peace you can now replace with openness, and with a little openness you can ask your self, Now can I accept the devastation that is here from the fires? Now it is easier to accept what is now that you did the first step of accepting your resistance. Now, with a slightly more open heart, you keep going. After you accept there is indeed devastation from the fires, even more, open-heartedness can follow, and maybe you can replace the feeling of sadness with love or humility, some compassion is more accessible and the pain is softened and eventually, all the heart qualities can be present at all times. Regardless of what happens to us and an open heart can free the pain associated with it.
Each time another resistance shows up continue to allow it by facing it, accepting it is what it is, and then replacing it with one or more of the heart qualities begins the opening to the True Self full of unconditional love regardless of circumstance. Self and other judgment, expectations, entitlement, and an inability to flow with life on its terms change, and the inner joy is a constant state, and this is the most helpful state in any situation.
Please let me know if you have any questions or want any clarification on how your particular issue can be resolved with this process.